"Don't Carpe Diem..."

Ever since Jake was born, I feel like I have been on the craziest roller coaster with my emotions. One moment I feel more joy than I knew possible, the next I am feeling lonely. Then, if I'm being really vulnerable and honest, I have to deal with my anger (so not proud of this one.) Then, I'm just so in love and back on cloud 9 again. Chalk it up to the hormones, maybe. But I also know it's just a lot of change.

One of the emotions I didn't anticipate battling so much was guilt. I know I'm a perfectionist and that I have a serious fear of failure (maybe I should have seen it coming), but I still didn't realize guilt would rear its ugly head so often. I have found myself feeling guilty if I don't soak up and love every moment with Jake - I know there are so many women out there who would give anything to be in my shoes and have a child of their own. I feel guilty if I don't appreciate enough that I get to stay home with him. I felt so guilty in the first two months because I wished a lot of those colicky moments away. I wanted him to get bigger...and soon. I'm pretty sure, after talking to lots of other moms, I'm not as crazy as I thought I was. This is normal.

Anyways, all that to say - I came across this article on another blog, and it is definitely worth sharing. This mom eloquently put into words what I feel so often. Yes, it specifically addresses moms, but I think the heart of the message is applicable for anyone. Truly, everyone should read this. It is a little lengthy, but I promise if you'll make it to the end, it will bless you. Here's how it starts...

Every time I'm out with my kids -- this seems to happen:

An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, "Oh, Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast."

Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.

I know that this message is right and good. But, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn't work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life - while I'm raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I'm not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I'm doing something wrong.

I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.

Click here to read the rest of the article.

So here's to those precious Kairos moments. Hope you have had a couple today.